Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
