She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
