it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
