Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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