Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
