Do you still have your period?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
