Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
