the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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