So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
