i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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