i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
