I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
