I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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