woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
