my vag is so smooth its legendary
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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