I have demons in me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
