Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
