Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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