I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
