Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
