I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
