dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
