i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
