Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
