Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
