sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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