dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
