Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
