i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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