this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
