Ambien. No doubt about it.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
