I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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