He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
