I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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