dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
