I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
