Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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