There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I AM VODKA MAN
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
