So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
