At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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