I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
