Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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