apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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