I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize