Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
