so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
