...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
