Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do vagina's smell?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
