i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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