Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
