I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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