Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
