dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
