I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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