He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
