one might say we're banned from that church
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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