I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
