Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize