Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
