dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize