Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
