I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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