When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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