Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
