Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
