I want to have your abortion
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
