If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
