Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
