Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
wow bdsm is so cute
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
