Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
