I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
