wrigley field is MILF paradise
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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