last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
