Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize