You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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