Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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