Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
