You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
