Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
