I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
