Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
