Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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