Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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