The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
it glows. i had to have it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
