new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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