Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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