I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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