I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize