We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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