People in love make me want to vomit
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
