My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
