her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
