i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
