You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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