He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You made out with two different species that night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
