ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
